Trying Bumble BFF

New city, new jobs, no friends. This is where I found myself at the start of 2023 when I packed my bags and moved to Minnesota. The only person I knew up here was my boyfriend and while I love his company, I knew I needed other friends. Cue BumbleBFF, the friend-seeking side of the popular dating app, Bumble.

For the first few weeks of living in my new city, I dragged my feet creating a profile. First I wanted to get settled into my new apartment, then I had to start my new job, and then I just didn’t feel like it. One of my biggest hesitancies is that I felt like it would be too much like a dating app and I would be mentally transported to my single days (spoiler, my fears were true).

The day I decided to create the profile, I downloaded Bumble and was greeted by my circa 2020 dating profile. It was horrific but I soldiered on and changed the profile to target potential friends. The swiping mechanic is still around and adds to the dating vibe that I did not enjoy. Like Bumble dating, there is also a 24-hour time window to send the first message.

With dating apps, there can often be a sense of rejection when you get no matches, which carries over to BumbleBFF. In my opinion, that feeling of rejection felt amplified while searching for friends. On the second girl I had matched with, I complimented her eyeliner, and she said thanks, I tried carrying on the conversation, and she unmatched me! The audacity! It nearly made me want to stop right then and there.

I did meet several girls that I seemed to have a lot in common with, but I never was able to initiate a hangout. Nothing could bring me to ask if they were free that weekend to meet up for coffee or go to a trivia happy hour. Back when I was single, I had no problem with first dates, I actually found them exciting! But a friend date intimidated me in a way I didn’t expect.

Another issue I ran into is that people weren't very responsive and I sometimes would be waiting a day or two to hear back. In order to effectively get to know each other, the conversation has to be moved off the app. But, asking a girl for her number feels like I'm coming onto her even though we both know we're here to make friends, so nothing moved off the app for me.

After my failed attempts I wanted to hear other people’s experiences and ended up finding a Reddit thread where people discussed their successes and failures with BumbleBFF. One commenter has been using the app for six years and has made two solid friends. While looking through the comments I found one bit of advice that stuck with me:

“Also, if the other person isn't offering don't assume they don't want to meet. Since most of the users of bumble BFF are cis women they're used to being asked out instead of asking-- so you might just have to put it out there yourself.”

Hearing this did help encourage me to keep trying. I still have yet to meet up with someone, but I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m hesitating or feeling anxious about it.

Overall, using BumbleBFF just felt too much like dating in a way that I couldn’t get over. At first, it was funny and a little bit awkward, but then it was just strange. Truly nothing changes between BumbleBFF and Bumble Date except the intentions of the people using it. I plan on checking out other apps intended for meeting friends, and hopefully, they don’t remind me too much of my sophomore year of college.