Can't Afford Therapy?

By: Gabby F.

Here are three book recommendations that have helped me on my mental health journey outside of therapy.

Therapy is something that’s becoming more talked about despite its generations-long stigma. For POC, it’s always been seen as a “white people” thing, mostly because this country was set up so that we couldn’t afford to access resources they had that could improve our wellbeing. Even today, therapy is a pretty penny, especially for us younger folks who are doing our best to make it out here in this failing economy. If you can’t afford therapy, you might be able to afford a book, so I’ve compiled a list of a few that you could pick up.

All About Love by bell hooks

The late bell hooks, a queer Black woman-author, feminist, activist, and revolutionary, who recently passed away on December 15, 2021, pens about her childhood experience’s impact on her view of love. She advocates for everyone, especially those of color, to polish our definitions of love and buff out the scratches society put on it. She argues that love should not have anything to do with harsh punishment but of deepening connections with children. On self-love, hooks believes that passing around superficial steps that have nothing to do with being in community and facing the real and normal difficulty of embracing oneself are counterintuitive.

Reading All About Love has revolutionized and pushed me to rethink what I have been taught about what love within the family, romantic relationships, friendships, and with myself should look like. Brace yourself to feel uncomfortable with what has been normalized.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

The first thought that came to mind when preparing to write a short summary of this book is to warn readers of how triggering it can be. Similar to All About Love, this book challenges readers to come to terms with the narcissistic and immature traits of their parents/caregivers. Using academic terms and experiences with her clients, Gibson gently guides us into the realization that those who raised us are not perfect, and their imperfections could be the result of traumas and behaviors that we struggle with today.

Throughout the book are quizzes with specific, situational examples that allow us to learn why we might have people-pleasing tendencies and anxiety due to having to be careful about the way we spoke, the space we took up, etc. For example, she talks about how traumas from parental/caregiver relationships show up for people differently. Some are high-functional and live successful lives but deal with anxiety, depression, and nightmares, while others have more intense traumas that restrict them from living their best lives in more ways than a few.

The Upside of Being Down by Jen Gotch

Jen Gotch, the CEO of the lifestyle brand ban.do, had a life far from a straight and narrow path. She went through her adolescence and adulthood unaware of the real mental issues that was causing her to react the ways that she did. She talks about how she never once knew in her life that she would be the owner of an extremely successful company. She just took a chance on herself and never stopped trying new things.

I personally love this book because throughout all my life (and probably yours too) I’ve been asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, when I graduated, etc. Everyone always expects us to know and give a concrete answer. But as I get older, I’m learning that there’s beauty in discovery. We shouldn’t be tied up to one idea when we have been made with so many interests and skills. Not only that, but tending to our mental health and finding a job that fits in that goal well is a process that requires a lot of time and energy.

Despite the inspirational windy road that led Gotch to her success, it would be remiss not to point out how she, a white woman in America, was able to spend tons of years discovering herself, her mental health needs, trying and quitting new jobs, fail, and not be penalized for it. People of color, especially women and non-binary folks, do not get the same grace and mercy. The job market does not treat everyone the same, sometimes rejecting an applicant of color just by the way their name sounds or is spelled.

Take this book with a grain of salt, allow it to inspire you, and show you that there’s a future for us out there, too, and we deserve to continue to give ourselves the grace that society won’t in whatever ways possible.

With love, GF